Mental fall-out...kind of.

These are the days that I get angry. I'm not sure what at, but I know why. I get angry because I don't know what is happening or what is going to happen. Things are so weird right now that I don't understand any of it. First off, I'm homeless. That sucks. Secondly, I was supposed to be in an apartment some time ago, but people ended up fucking around too much so that didn't happen. Hopefully soon, being as we have the applications signed and a co-signer and all that shit. Thirdly, I'm impossible to get a hold of. That means that I'd have a much easier time finding a place to sleep if I had a cell phone. No one can call me, no one ever really knows where I am, and I can't call long distance without one. I can't get a job until I have a phone number either, which should hopefully be when I move into the apartment. None of this would be such a problem if it weren't so goddamn cold here, because then I could comfortably live out of my car. Speaking of this homelessness problem, I have to meet with the director of all the dorms tomorrow. I really don't want to do that, because everyone I know that has talked to her says she's an unrelenting bitch that doesn't really listen. Being as I am possibly facing suspension/expulsion from school, this is not good at all. I don't want to not be able to go to school. I want the ability to do well academically. I know that I've fucked up this semester big time, and I'm going to be on academic probation next semester. On the bright side, I really don't have to worry about finals. I dunno...I guess I'm just really sick of things sucking. I want a little bit of normalcy in my life. Actually, just a reason to care would be nice. I don't really care about any of the things that are happening to me. I mean, I don't want to deal with them, but I'm really not too bothered that they are happening. I seriously think that a significant other would help this problem. If I had a person to care about, I would do the best I could to make them happy. Like making money, getting good grades, being an all around good person. Don't get me wrong, I'd still have most of my personality traits, but I'd be a better person on paper *wink*. I really don't like people worrying about me though, which could be a problem if I want a girlfriend. I want someone for me to worry about, but I don't want them to worry about me. Kinda weird, I know. But oh well. Lately I've been trying to get this one girl to think of me as a potential boyfriend, but I don't know that she's picking up on it. Actually, she's really hard for me to read. I can't tell if she's receptive or if she's just being a nice person. Really fucks with my head, especially since I have been sort of messed with by women already this year (refer to the girl two floors above me). I don't know. I need to go though. No more thinking about this shit. Adieu. Josh