Bittersweet truth

Last night I had the interesting task of explaining to the girl two floors above me why things were akward between her and I, as well as between her and two friends of mine. See, the common bond between all 3 of us guys was that she made out with all of us. Within the period of a week and a half. Yet she could not understand why things should possibly be weird. Now, I don't know so much about the other two guys, but hanging out with her now is a little weird simply because I was attracted to her and after telling me we couldn't date we made out. At this point, I still thought I had a chance with her and that she was still just unsure. I figured it was solely because she just wasn't ready to date yet, being as that was basically what she said. Apparantly, I was wrong because she told me later (after we had a couple of make out sessions) of her attraction to another guy and her desire to have a relationship with him. Naturally, I had a slightly crushed ego, not to mention feeling kind of lied to. Anyways, back to the original story. I told her exactly why I was/am somewhat uncomfortable around her, and that the other two probably had a similar reason to feel uncomfortable. My task was basically to make her understand that the behavior she chose kind of ostracized her from some of the friends she has. It wasn't that we are unaccepting people or anything, or that we don't like her. It's just that right now, things are weird and they need to settle a bit. What hurts me most is that it made her cry. She would not break down and full on cry why I was around, but while driving home from a coffee shop I could see tears on her cheek. I hate to make people cry, but I also hate people not knowing what they should know. This is something I felt she should know. When you mess with people's emotions like that, they tend to think a little differently of you. She also seemed to have a problem with my tendancy to try and make people comfortable in any given situation. Now, most people act differently depending on the company they are in. Before things got weird, I acted like a gentleman around her (not a perfect one, mind you, but a gentleman none the less). I now treat her more as I would any female friend, and still care for her. But she did have the right to know what repurcussions her actions had on people (including herself), and I just hope that she sees what happened and doesn't try and find a scapegoat. Most of this akwardness is her fault. But she's a smart girl. I know she will accept at least some of what happened. Anyways...things to do. Adieu. Josh

Too distraught to think of title

Weird day today. Really weird. My dad and sister came up to see me, which is cool, because that means food and clothes for me (woot!), but after I got home from hanging out with them, I talked to the girl two floors above me. Out of our conversation, all I really got out of it was that she sees me as fake. Of all the things that I am (arrogant, cocky, egotistical, asshole-ish, etc.), being fake has never been one of them. But then I thought about it for a while. I thought, "maybe I am fake." But I know I'm not. I just put on a different face for different people, or at least groups of people. And I definitely put on a different face around her. I forget everything else around me, and all I see is her and how happy I want her to be. I do what I think will make her happy. But apparantly that is the wrong thing to do. She tells me to be myself, but the word "myself" can mean so many different things. I don't act the same way around my guy friends as I do my parents, just like I don't act the same way around my girl friends as I do around my guy friends, etc. The thing is, the way I act around her is very different then I act around anybody else. But I think my friend Ade is right; I should just cut her off. There are plenty of other people to meet, and I don't need her. Who knows what can happen. At least I found a new coffee shop that I can hang out at thanks to a completely random comment made by another Fargo based person (you know who you are). Talk about an up and down day. God damn it. I just want one normal day. I love weird shit, but I need one normal day. At least I have my friends coming up next weekend to look forward to. And a lot of food. Mmmmmm..... *gets distracted by lava lamp* Right...blog...Anyways, in conclusion; women are confusing, men are stupid, I need money, financial aid comes soon, job comes soon, I need to get laid, food is good, I guess I really don't need to get laid (though, I admit, it would be nice), I have the new Flogging Molly cd, and I need sleep. Adieu. Josh