*bangs head against brick wall*

I am starting to grow weary of my decision making skills. I can't allow myself to do things the easy way, and every route I choose seems to be the most difficult one I can pick. I can't allow myself to settle, and I will always shoot for what I feel is the best. This all goes back to the recurring theme of the girl two floors above me. If you haven't picked up on this yet, I am quite attracted to her. The more I talk to her, the greater the attraction becomes. The thing is, she has issues of her own to work out. She's not quite sure of what she wants yet, or so it seems. The relationship that we have is a puzzle to me. It's a giant, 4,000 piece puzzle that is completely white. When finished, it will be very pristine, but after you get the edges together it becomes unbelievably difficult to get the rest of the puzzle together. All I have now are the edges, and a few random pieces here and there. What worries me most is that I will get to the point where the puzzle is almost complete, but there will be about 12 pieces missing. I am worried that I won't be able to put the puzzle together, and that I will never see what the finished product looks like. Regardless of these feelings, I will continue working on it. I am completely fascinated now, and I doubt I will be able to stop working on this puzzle until it's finished.

Aside from the issues of this being a puzzle, there are other issues. Namely the fact that I can't ask her on an actual date. I don't have much money, and I really want to give her the best I can. Fortunately, I get money on the 24th (thank you financial aid) and I can ask her out. I won't say where, because I'm sure she'll read this before then and I want it to be a surprise. Hopefully I will be able to get the money out of check form and into cash form or into my checking account. Things tend to work out stupidly like that for me, and I get screwed over. I wish things were less confusing. I wish things worked out better. I wish things were easier. But most of all, I wish for her to be happy. Even if I never "get the girl," I wish for her to be happy. Adieu. Josh