Lost

I have been feeling very lost as of late. Not physically lost, but mentally. I'm not sure where I'm going, or where anything is. I thought I had it all figured out, but there have been quite a few weird things going on to fuck with my head. The biggest cause, in my opinion, is my semi-relationship with the girl two floors above me. If you haven't guessed by now, I'm somewhat infatuated with here. The only problem is, she sends such mixed signals back to me that I don't know how to respond. For example, this weekend we went to her cousin's house and drank a bit, and on the way to Perkin's she grabbed my hand and held it, which made me think "Ok, alcohol loosens inhibitions, so this means that deep down she likes me." She then proceded to ask "Is this what you wanted?" Now, yes, that is what I want, but not under those circumstances. When we got home, I just chilled out in her room until about 6:30 in the morning and we had a really good conversation. Well, good except for the fact that it furthered my confusion. I don't know how to help her ask the questions she has, and something needs to happen. Otherwise it's going to be a very strange relationship for a very long time, and I don't want that. I don't mind if we end up just friends (though I would definitely prefer dating her), but the akwardness needs to go. It seems as though I have the answers to everyone else's problems, but never to my own. It doesn't make sense. It's probably because I can't look at myself from an outside perspective, and due to my hyper-analytical nature and my knowledge of myself I see things that aren't there, while missing things that are. Ah well. It'll all work out in the end.

On a lighter note, my friend Tony said he and Travis (another friend) were going to come up and visit me soon. That makes me unbelievably happy, because those two are quite possibly my favorite people to hang out with. Plus, they're going to bring me a pound of coffee from the Klatsch (my favorite coffee shop) which makes everything better. For now that's all I have. Adieu. Josh.